Train your mind to be your ally, not your enemy

One of the biggest challenges we face in life is learning how to tame our minds. Our thoughts can be our worst enemy, constantly berating us and bringing up all of our past failures. Or, they can be our best ally, cheering us on and helping us to see all of the possibilities that lie ahead.

It’s up to us to decide which role our minds will play.

We know just how powerful a tool your mind can be. We want to help you explore and empower this precious resource of yours so we’ve created a series of blogs with tips and tricks on how to do just that!

Part one in this series of making your mind your ally is

How to Avoid self gaslighting

1st things 1st. What is gaslighting? Gaslighting is a psychological term that refers to a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator tries to make the victim question their own reality.

A gaslighter will often use phrases like “you’re overreacting”, “you’re being too sensitive”, or “you’re just imagining things” in order to make their victim doubt their experiences and perception of reality.

When we gaslight ourselves, we are doing something similar. We are doubting our own thoughts, feelings, memories, and experiences. This form of self-doubt can be incredibly destructive and lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression.

Why does it happen?

There are a few different reasons why we might start to gaslight ourselves. One common reason is that we have been invalidated in the past. When our experiences or feelings are constantly dismissed by others, we can start to doubt them ourselves.

Another reason is that we might have unrealistic expectations for ourselves. We might expect ourselves to be perfect in every way and to never make any mistakes. When we inevitably do make a mistake or have a negative experience, it can be hard to accept.

Whatever the reason may be, it’s important to remember that you are the only one who gets to decide what is true for you. Just because someone else doesn’t believe you or validate your experiences, doesn’t mean that they aren’t real or valid.

How we can avoid it?

There are a few things that you can do to avoid self-gaslighting. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Who’s opinion is this anyway?

Take a step back and ask yourself if this is really what you think. Many times these thoughts are engraved in your psyche because it’s what someone has said to you. Its very easy to absorb the beliefs of others, so separate yourself from these thoughts and try to find their origin.

2. Follow the evidence

Let’s say you had a bad day at work and your boss told you that you were underperforming. Instead of automatically believing them, follow the evidence. Do a self-assessment and see if what they’re saying is actually true. If it is, then you can work on improving. If it’s not, then you know that their opinion doesn’t reflect reality.

3. Seek out supportive people

It can be helpful to surround yourself with people who will validate your experiences and make you feel seen and heard. These people can be friends, family members, therapists, or anyone else who you feel safe with.

4. Keep a journal

Writing down your thoughts and experiences can help you to feel more in touch with reality. It can be a place where you can express yourself without judgement and explore your thoughts and feelings without doubt.

5. Practice self-compassion

If you do find yourself self-gaslighting, try to be gentle with yourself. This is a common response to invalidation and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Remember that you are the only one who gets to decide what is true for you. Be patient with yourself as you learn to trust your own thoughts and experiences.

6. Seek professional help

If you find that you’re struggling to cope with self-doubt or gaslighting, it might be a good idea to seek professional help. A therapist can provide you with support and guidance as you work through these issues.